Athletes and fitness enthusiasts are very competitive. This can effective marriages in not the most positive of ways. Marriage Builder is a website devoted to advice and counseling. It also has members who speak with one another on a forum. Many marriages do not last for multiple reasons. Financial concerns, irreconcilable differences, or two people just drifting apart can result in the end of marriage. Arranged marriage was a common practice, however this changed as time progressed. People had the freedom to choose their partners. Freedom also means that one can make a wrong choice. Often, people marry the wrong person. The rise in divorce and separation have many factors. Couples end their relationships over a number of reasons. Certain tensions are not genuine problems. A male runner has an issue with his wife being stronger. The concern would not be worth going to marriage counseling for.
“I’m looking for possibly anyone in the same experience as me. I’m tall and skinny, in shape as a runner. My wife is heavily into weightlifting and a bodybuilder. She’s short and very built. I’d like to talk to any guy who have the same experience or situation. The awkwardness it creates in public. At times when I see her lifting more than I can, I get very jealous.” ( bodybuilding wife )
The projection is obvious. Seeing his wife lift more than him generates negative feelings. The husband might even feel this way if his wife had a higher income or more education. Marriage among two athletes can be difficult. The contemporary time period makes marriage more complicated with shifting gender roles, a masculine identity crisis, and the challenges of maintaining female companionship.
Being jealous of your wife lacks rationality. A husband is not in competition with his wife. When two people marry, they are forming a bond. The runner husband needs to distinguish between his opponents in competition and his wife. The real problem is not his wife. There is some insecurity based on the belief women should be beneath men . Men are struggling with a masculine identity crisis. Women are no longer dependent on men for their survival. Gender roles do not have the strict and defined boundaries as they used to. Both men and women are in various sectors of the workforce. Women are participating in fields and activities that were at one time mostly male. Sports and fitness is seeing an increase in women’s participation. What was not anticipated was the reaction from men in women’s lives from the change. Sportswomen might not always get the support of their husbands or boyfriends. Disgust, disapproval, and in this case jealously are common feelings. These sentiments represent a wider problem of men wanting to be in absolute control of their significant others. Convictions such as that and jealousy could ruin this marriage.
Insecurities have a way of showing themselves. The husband might be feeling that he is mediocre compared to his wife. Being an athlete himself, he strives to win. Acknowledging that his wife is more physically powerful makes him insecure. Physical prowess and athleticism are the only attributes he seems to value as part of his masculine identity. Being with a stronger woman disrupts this sense of self. The traditionalist belief system is causing conflict. The world and social conventions change. The demand that women remain in a subordinate position is not realistic. Complaining about your wife’s fitness compared to yours is projection. It is not like she is trying to belittle her spouse. If she was castigating him for no reason, anger would be justified. Going online to get validation on a incorrect position is telling. Forums prior to social media’s rise was a place to vent insecurities, frustrations, and rage. The runner is just using the Marriage Builder forum to for a self-image problem.
Maintaining female companionship is challenging. This does not get any easier with marriage. A man has to work harder to make a relationship last. The negative emotions of the runner only hinders that. Assuming the feelings have not resulted in action, maybe there is some hope. Negative emotions can project themselves either in a subtle or overt manner. At some point, the runner’s wife might discover his jealously. To have a great marriage it takes effort. Disagreements or conflicts can happen. There comes a stage when it can overwhelm the marriage. Drifting apart, constant fighting, or not being responsive to a partner’s needs can ruin a marriage. Unfortunate events or major life changes can also add strain. Death of a child, loss of financial security, or loss of a certain social status brings an end to marriages. At extremes marriages can be abusive. Domestic violence is the most serious problem related to marriage . Based on the post, the marriage has not gotten to an extreme. Considering other problems with marriages, your wife being in shape is not a real problem.
The runner should not feel awkward. They are two athletes. It seems like a perfect match. The awkward emotions come from what others think. A man must learn to care what people think of his partner selection. People are always going to judge your choices. A muscular woman and thin man couple should not be controversial. There are women who have preferences for fat, slim, or muscular men.
The bizarre societal expectation that couples match exactly is dated. The only reason a thin man and muscular woman couple bothers people is related to strict gender roles. Men are supposed to be more powerful and women are to be weak or dependent. This mindset needs to be discarded. The runner needs to appreciate his wife’s athletic accomplishment. Some of these negative sentiments the runner has were imposed up him. The sports and fitness world does have sexist undertones to its culture. A woman being more physically capable than a man generates vexed reactions. The runner should not feel shame or awkwardness.
Marriage advice forums and websites are not the best sources of council. Recommendations and advice given by users could make the situation worse. The common response is that the runner should just lift to get stronger than his wife. This will not make insecurity disappear or the poor image of self go away. The only result will be to antagonize your wife. Instead of being jealous, make working out a couple’s activity. Sharing an common interest and hobby is great for any relationship. Maybe she could run with her husband. On other days, learn from your wife how to build muscle. Gaining strength and building a physique should not be about trying to trounce your wife. A personal fitness goal or trying to impress her are the only valid reasons. Jealously can easily transform into resentment. There are other more egregious reasons to be vexed with your spouse. Infidelity, poor treatment, and emotional disengagement are grounds for conflict. As long as the bodybuilder wife still loves her runner husband, there is no real problem.
